The current worst box office opening goes to the children’s movie Oogieloves. A terrifying Teletubbies ripoff about three monsters searching for five magical balloons (probably full of the blue stuff) for their friend’s birthday party.
On their nightmarish adventure they come across familiar faces — some of which you might have seen in Back to the Future and The Princess Bride. With these new friends, the trio sing and dance together while encouraging the audience to join along. Because, you know, who cares about making it on time for your friend’s birthday when you can party now with strangers. Oh, and I guess there’s the dangers of encouraging children to dance in a dark theater, but who ever cared about the well-being of tax breaks?
The man behind the dubious film, Kenn Viselman, has delved into an understandable delusion that Oogieloves has a future as a franchise despite its small returns. Those five magical balloons must be strong.
If there’s any harsh lesson behind Oggieloves, it’s that we are the real monsters; we allowed Christopher Lloyd and Cary Elwes to fall from grace.
On second thought — who wants to bust out this dance at the clubs?